Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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