you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
