OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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