She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
