As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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