not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
