I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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