drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
