I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
