Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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