FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
