I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I supernannyed him into submission
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
