but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
