OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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