You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
