i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
