No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
