I wish my penis had an off switch
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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