Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
