I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
