I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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