i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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