Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think i got beer on your cat.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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