the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
