And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
