Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
