First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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