Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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