I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
