the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wear drunk well.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
