id be glad to
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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