We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
