Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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