is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
