Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
