Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
