and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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