I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
