a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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