I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
