her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
