Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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