Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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