I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
