Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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