please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
