update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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