i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
