She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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