I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
