So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
