I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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