He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
