I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
