it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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