Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
