I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
