I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
