how can u be prego again
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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