His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
