I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
