I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
