I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
