god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
should my penis look like a turkey
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
