the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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