Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
