Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
