I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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