dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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