need another drink. this is the easiest way
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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