we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
