dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
